so that wasnt chicken after all
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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