is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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