The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
