I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
