She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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