i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
