You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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