tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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