Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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