Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
