I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
