i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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