To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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