So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize