called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
