I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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