ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
