i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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