kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
