dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
