:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
