When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize