escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
