I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
