As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
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