I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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