you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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