There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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