You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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