Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Randomize
