Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize