yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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