I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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