If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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