dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
