Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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