Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
