I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
