..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize