u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
