found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
