Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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