If i could tip my vagina, i would.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
