you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
