Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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