Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
