I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
