It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
