whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
