Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
