i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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