Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
