your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
