It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize