yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
