I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I love you. Go after that dick
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
