tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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