i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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