wrigley field is MILF paradise
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
