No awkward lesbian experiences without me
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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