the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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