I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My feet surprised me
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
