No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
