we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
