The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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