a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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