I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We have started to decorate penises.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
